Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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