not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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