Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
In America we eat man semen.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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