You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize