dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
