I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize