Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
