Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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