Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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