Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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