about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize