Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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