i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
