Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
