chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
