I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You took a bar mat shot.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
