I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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