Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
