i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
