and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
