I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
