I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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