I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
