Even water is tasting like jack daniels
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
