I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
