I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Pants are for mortals
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
