You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
