You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
