I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
