Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
