Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
