This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize
