areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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