Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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