My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
