just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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