Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
