I don't usually arrange sex via text message
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize