Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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