Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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