i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Randomize
