For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
