just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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