hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
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He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
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How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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