yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
