At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
