just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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