yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
