I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I intend to get homeless drunk
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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