Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
