I just threw up on my dentist
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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