Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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