Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
