That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
