porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
