I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
