Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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