Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
one might say we're banned from that church
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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