"it" just moved
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Fuck appropriateness.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
