Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
All the doctor said was why
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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