Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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