***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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