I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
operation harelip BJ is a go
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
