You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
