She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I think my moral compass just broke
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
