I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
