my sisters under your porch take her home
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
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