I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
