You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
