If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
