why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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