You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
