Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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