hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
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We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
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Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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