I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You have to summon your inner elephant
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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