I wish my penis had an off switch
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
