she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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