I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
