Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
