i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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