Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
