shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
