I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
