I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
