Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
